It’s Okay to Hate Your Ex (And Still Be a Good Mom)
This one took me awhile to write.
Let’s just start here:
You are allowed to be angry.
You are allowed to feel betrayed.
You are allowed to feel like the universe personally selected you for a reality show called “How Much Can One Woman Take Before She Screams Into a Pillow?”
Because honestly… what even is this situation?
One minute you’re building a life, raising babies, planning futures, arguing over what to have for dinner like normal couples do. The next minute—boom—your life gets flipped upside down because the man who promised forever decided to audition for “Worst Decision Maker of the Year.”
And now?
Now you’re co-parenting.
With him.
Yes. Him.
The same man who broke your heart now gets scheduled, structured, legally protected access to the very children you carried, loved, and protected through everything.
If that doesn’t feel like emotional whiplash, I don’t know what does.
The Bitterness No One Talks About
Let’s be honest. Not the “Instagram quote” honest. The real, messy, ugly, 2am-thoughts honest.
There is a special kind of pain in watching someone who destroyed your family still get to enjoy it.
You’re here, picking up the emotional pieces, doing bedtime routines, answering hard questions, holding little hearts together…
And he?
He gets to swoop in like some part-time superhero dad with snacks and smiles.
Oh, and now there’s a new woman in the picture.
Because of course there is.
Because apparently, betrayal comes with a bonus package:
A front-row seat to your replacement.
“Don’t Hurt Her Feelings” – The Audacity
Let’s talk about this absolute masterpiece of nonsense:
Your kids come home and say something like:
“Daddy said we must be nice to her and not hurt her feelings.”
Oh.
OH.
I’m sorry.
Let me just process this for a second.
The man who shattered your heart, broke your home, and rewrote your children’s reality is now out here giving emotional sensitivity lessons?
Sir… be serious.
You want the kids to protect her feelings?
Where was that energy when you were wrecking theirs?
And now, somehow, the narrative is shifting.
She’s kind. She’s fun. She’s this. She’s that.
And you?
You’re the “strict” one.
The “emotional” one.
The “difficult” one.
Because you’re the one dealing with the real-life consequences while they’re busy playing happy family in a highlight reel.
The Quiet, Heartbreaking Moments
No one prepares you for the silence.
The quiet house when your kids are with him.
The empty rooms.
The toys untouched.
The bedtime routine that suddenly doesn’t exist for a few nights.
You walk past their rooms and feel this ache in your chest because motherhood doesn’t switch off just because it’s “his turn.”
You don’t stop missing them.
You don’t stop worrying.
You don’t stop loving them any less.
But suddenly, your time with them is… divided.
Scheduled.
Reduced.
And the worst part?
It feels like it was taken from you by someone who didn’t value it in the first place.
“He Doesn’t Deserve This”
Let’s say the thing you’re thinking:
He doesn’t deserve this.
He doesn’t deserve the laughs.
He doesn’t deserve the cuddles.
He doesn’t deserve the privilege of being part of their lives after what he did.
And you know what?
That feeling makes sense.
It really does.
Because your brain is trying to make justice out of something that feels deeply unfair.
But here’s the complicated truth:
This isn’t about what he deserves.
It’s about what your children deserve.
And unfortunately, those two things don’t always align.
The Emotional Tug-of-War
You’re constantly pulled in two directions:
- The hurt woman who wants to scream, cry, and maybe throw a shoe.
- The strong mom who wants to protect her children from pain at all costs.
And sometimes, those two versions of you don’t agree.
The hurt part of you says:
“Why should I be the bigger person?”
The mom part of you whispers:
“Because they need you to be.”
And that?
That’s exhausting.
Watching Him Move On (Too Easily)
Let’s not ignore this part.
He moves on.
Fast.
Like, suspiciously fast.
And suddenly he’s doing all the things he didn’t do with you.
He’s attentive.
He’s present.
He’s… better?
And it messes with your head.
Because now you’re left wondering:
“Why wasn’t I enough for that version of him?”
But here’s the truth no one says loud enough:
That version of him is still built on the same foundation.
And foundations don’t change overnight.
You didn’t lose to a better woman.
You lost a man who made a bad choice.
There’s a difference.
The Comparison Game (That You Didn’t Sign Up For)
Now your kids come home mentioning her.
“She made us pancakes.”
“She took us to the park.”
“She said we can watch TV longer.”
And suddenly, you feel like you’re in a competition you never entered.
You start questioning yourself.
Am I doing enough?
Am I fun enough?
Do they like her more?
Stop.
Just stop right there.
You are their mother.
Not a temporary guest star.
Not a replacement.
Not an option.
You are home.
And no one can compete with that.
It’s Okay to Feel the Anger
Let’s make this very clear:
Feeling anger does not make you a bad mom.
Feeling resentment does not make you bitter.
Feeling hurt does not make you weak.
It makes you human.
What matters is what you do with those feelings.
You don’t pour them into your children.
You don’t turn them into weapons.
You process them.
You release them.
You grow through them.
Even if it’s messy. Even if it’s slow.
The Strength You Didn’t Ask For
Somewhere in all of this chaos… you became stronger.
Not because you wanted to.
But because you had to.
You learned how to stand on your own.
You learned how to carry emotional weight you didn’t choose.
You learned how to keep going—even on the days you didn’t want to.
And most importantly?
You learned how to love your children even deeper through pain.
That’s not weakness.
That’s power.
A Little Dark Humor (Because We Need It)
Let’s be honest—sometimes the only way to survive this is to laugh.
Because if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.
And if you cry too much, you’ll need snacks.
And if you need snacks, you’ll end up eating an entire chocolate slab while questioning your life choices.
So yes, laugh at the absurdity of it all:
- The sudden “perfect dad” transformation
- The emotional advice from someone who clearly skipped that class
- The co-parenting calendar that feels like a custody-themed Google Doc from hell
You’re allowed to roll your eyes.
A lot.
The Truth That Sets You Free
Here’s the part that might sting a little—but it’s important:
Holding onto hate will exhaust you.
Not because your feelings are wrong.
But because they’re heavy.
And you deserve peace more than you deserve to stay stuck in pain.
Letting go doesn’t mean:
- What he did was okay
- He’s forgiven instantly
- You’re no longer hurt
It just means you’re choosing yourself.
Your peace.
Your healing.
Your future.
And One Day…
One day, this won’t hurt as much.
You’ll still remember.
But it won’t control you.
You’ll watch your children grow and realize:
They are still happy.
They are still loved.
They are still yours in all the ways that matter.
And you?
You’ll be proud of the woman you became through it all.
Even if you got there kicking, screaming, and eating chocolate.
Thank you for reading❤️
xoxoxoxo
Lea La Razz
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